Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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