I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
