Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
