I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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