Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
