nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Come on in and take your pants off
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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