I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
