Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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