There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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