I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
