would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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