it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
