Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Randomize
