why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
