She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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