Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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