and next time when you feel me up, do it right
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
