'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
