nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Found the puke drawer
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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