If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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