Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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