Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
