Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
