Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
