Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
