I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
