My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
