I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
