Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
