Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
