Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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