I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
