just come out here and I will go home with you...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
