In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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