Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
