She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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