Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
