It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
