Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
