It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
