I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
