Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
