So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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