You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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