it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
