I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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