remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
