I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
