Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
