so that wasnt chicken after all
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
